Horoscopes and Healing
A quote from my Free Will Astrology horoscope this week:
"...that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living amidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh."
As I was walking around Brooklyn today, spending time with a friend, stopping at the GreenMarket and admiring the abundance of fresh tomatoes and peaches, I had a moment (a brief moment, mind you, but definitely a moment) of clarity. It was so clear to me that I was on a journey. For a while now (and I won't say how long, because I'm not even that sure myself) I've felt a little lost. I've thought to myself, "I don't mind being on a journey, as long as I know where I'm heading--as long as there's a goal I'm moving towards." That's where the problem lies. This "lost" feeling has come from not seeing the goal in front of me. Today, in that brief moment, I realized that my goal has been there all along--I just haven't seen it. Before I can move forward, I just have to be. Be here, now, in the present moment, and see and feel everything that is right in front of me. That is my goal that I'm journeying towards. I've been so worried about wasting all this time not working towards some end result...being ancy and itchy in my own skin not wanting to be here...but be there (and really hoping that one day soon I would figure out where there was so that I could start doing something about it).
You may start to wonder what this has to do with me having braces. At some moments, I've felt like having a blog is a way for me to just be...with braces. Braces are totally about the end result. The end product. I could spend my time fretting over this result--only 7 more months to go...what will I look like?...will I then finally make it in a commercial?...or will I never audition again?...what will happen to my life in March 2007? Everything? Nothing?
I think back to the summer 2005--a "lost summer" I like to call it because I was really lost. I had just spent 9 months going through yoga teacher training. I was (finally) a certified yoga teacher and could now create the life I had envisioned for myself. Teaching yoga and being an actress. What a perfect day job, right? Only one problem--being a yoga teacher was kind of like being an actor. You still have to "audition" for spots and it is really competitive to get teaching gigs...and the pay is next to nothing.
As my perfect life seemed to crumble around me, I thought this was the time to step out of the box. I ended up going to a Sat Nam Rasayan healer, Guru Dev Singh. Sat Nam Rasayan is a healing modality linked with Kundalini yoga. I am no expert about how it works and it is not an immediate curing type of healing. It's the type of healing with "homework." Everyone's experience is different. I went into the room where Guru Dev sat. He is a big tall guy from Mexico who now calls Italy home. He told me to sit and said, "What's up?" I had this big speech planned for him...everything that was going on in my life and how I had no clue what to do...and how I felt like the world was falling apart. But all I could say was "I don't know...I don't know." He told me to lie down and breathe and for 30 minutes he put his hand on my wrist. When he was finished, he told me my prognosis and gave me a meditation to do. He told me to do this meditation everyday, 31 minutes a day, for 120 days straight. Then he said, in his Mexican/Italian accent, "You do this. It will change your life." So, on September 15th 2005, I began my meditation and did it everyday for 120 days.
A few weeks after I finished the meditation, I made an appointment for a consultation with an orthodontist. I can't say whether the two are related or it's just a coincidence. I know that crooked teeth has plagued me much of my adult life. I have never felt truly beautiful and I have never felt truly free to be myself. I started considering having braces as a year "hiatus" from my life, but in reality, ever since I got braces, I have been living fully and truly into my life. I have been experiencing new worlds and adventures. I have tried new things. Drawing. Tango. Boys(!). I have been reading voraciously when before it took me 6 months to get through one book. My apartment has never been cleaner. And I haven't had as many cute skirts in my closet until now.
It's hard to find a closing to this (rather personal) post, but as I look up on my wall, I see the following quote:
"Any moment can bring an awakening to what really matters".
And, if you're interested in knowing more about Sat Nam Rasayan healing, just ask and I'll be happy to offer up the details!
"...that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living amidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh."
As I was walking around Brooklyn today, spending time with a friend, stopping at the GreenMarket and admiring the abundance of fresh tomatoes and peaches, I had a moment (a brief moment, mind you, but definitely a moment) of clarity. It was so clear to me that I was on a journey. For a while now (and I won't say how long, because I'm not even that sure myself) I've felt a little lost. I've thought to myself, "I don't mind being on a journey, as long as I know where I'm heading--as long as there's a goal I'm moving towards." That's where the problem lies. This "lost" feeling has come from not seeing the goal in front of me. Today, in that brief moment, I realized that my goal has been there all along--I just haven't seen it. Before I can move forward, I just have to be. Be here, now, in the present moment, and see and feel everything that is right in front of me. That is my goal that I'm journeying towards. I've been so worried about wasting all this time not working towards some end result...being ancy and itchy in my own skin not wanting to be here...but be there (and really hoping that one day soon I would figure out where there was so that I could start doing something about it).
You may start to wonder what this has to do with me having braces. At some moments, I've felt like having a blog is a way for me to just be...with braces. Braces are totally about the end result. The end product. I could spend my time fretting over this result--only 7 more months to go...what will I look like?...will I then finally make it in a commercial?...or will I never audition again?...what will happen to my life in March 2007? Everything? Nothing?
I think back to the summer 2005--a "lost summer" I like to call it because I was really lost. I had just spent 9 months going through yoga teacher training. I was (finally) a certified yoga teacher and could now create the life I had envisioned for myself. Teaching yoga and being an actress. What a perfect day job, right? Only one problem--being a yoga teacher was kind of like being an actor. You still have to "audition" for spots and it is really competitive to get teaching gigs...and the pay is next to nothing.
As my perfect life seemed to crumble around me, I thought this was the time to step out of the box. I ended up going to a Sat Nam Rasayan healer, Guru Dev Singh. Sat Nam Rasayan is a healing modality linked with Kundalini yoga. I am no expert about how it works and it is not an immediate curing type of healing. It's the type of healing with "homework." Everyone's experience is different. I went into the room where Guru Dev sat. He is a big tall guy from Mexico who now calls Italy home. He told me to sit and said, "What's up?" I had this big speech planned for him...everything that was going on in my life and how I had no clue what to do...and how I felt like the world was falling apart. But all I could say was "I don't know...I don't know." He told me to lie down and breathe and for 30 minutes he put his hand on my wrist. When he was finished, he told me my prognosis and gave me a meditation to do. He told me to do this meditation everyday, 31 minutes a day, for 120 days straight. Then he said, in his Mexican/Italian accent, "You do this. It will change your life." So, on September 15th 2005, I began my meditation and did it everyday for 120 days.
A few weeks after I finished the meditation, I made an appointment for a consultation with an orthodontist. I can't say whether the two are related or it's just a coincidence. I know that crooked teeth has plagued me much of my adult life. I have never felt truly beautiful and I have never felt truly free to be myself. I started considering having braces as a year "hiatus" from my life, but in reality, ever since I got braces, I have been living fully and truly into my life. I have been experiencing new worlds and adventures. I have tried new things. Drawing. Tango. Boys(!). I have been reading voraciously when before it took me 6 months to get through one book. My apartment has never been cleaner. And I haven't had as many cute skirts in my closet until now.
It's hard to find a closing to this (rather personal) post, but as I look up on my wall, I see the following quote:
"Any moment can bring an awakening to what really matters".
And, if you're interested in knowing more about Sat Nam Rasayan healing, just ask and I'll be happy to offer up the details!
posted by TinselTeeth at 4:11 PM
1 Comments:
I think this is a really beautiful post and I'm glad you shared it.
I can relate to what you've written. I've experienced a similar awakening since I decided to start taking serious control over my work and my life.
I'm really glad that the braces are becoming more than a "hiatus" from your life. It sounds like they're opening up so many more options for you- it's exciting to watch.
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