Wax On, Wax Off

I'm just going to apologize up front if it seems like I'm complaining in this post. So, here goes...

This has definitely been one of the worst months in terms of pain and general discomfort for my braces. I'm tempted to go back to the orthodontist before my September 12th appointment. It is mostly due to Dr. Newman's lack of quality control when he put the wire in and now I'm suffering big time.

Basically just imagine a metal wire poking into your cheeks (yes, both sides) for a month. Dr. Newman should have filed this down, but he didn't really see the need. I've been putting wax on the very tip of the wire so that it hurts less, but now I'm down to the last of it and still have two weeks to go. Everytime I eat, the wax comes off, naturally. I've been pretty good about catching it before I swallow it, but there have been a few unfortunate incidents.

I think I'm just generally annoyed with some of the restrictions of having braces (and "clear" braces at that...). Listy-loo made sweet iced tea (my favorite!) for her little boy's b-day party and I could barely drink it for fear of staining my braces (I'm going to have to start carrying around a bottle of water and straws from now on!). I was at the party wondering to myself, "Do I have gunk all over my braces?"

Today I actually spent the whole day without the wax on--and even taught yoga with the wires poking into cheeks, just to see if I could feasibly manage it this way. Maybe one day with wax, one day without wax for the next two weeks.

Yes, this is what I spend a large portion of my day thinking about--should I wax or should I not wax?

The Top 10 Things I Love About Having Braces

1. it's a reason to have a blog

2. i will have straight teeth when this whole thing is said and done

3. it gives me a sense of accomplishment to finally cross it off my "to-do" list

4. learning to love split pea soup

5. discovering the joy of drinking everything through a straw

6. trying fun new dental hygiene products

7. at work i can cover up the fact that I'm bringing a tampon to the bathroom by also bringing my toothbrush

8. getting picked up at a bar with the line "are you into heavy metal?"

9. it makes me unique (well, sort of)

10. practicing my smile in the mirror when I'm all alone

Spicy

Last night cute architect boy ("cab") and I went out to a kosher Indian vegetarian restaurant, Pongal in "Curry Hill." My suggestion had originally been Vatan, also Indian vegetarian. I've been to Vatan twice and it's a really cool experience. Because it's so cool, you need a reservation, as cab and I found out...hence, the move to Pongal. The food was really delicious and reminded me of my yoga teacher training days. About once a month for nine months we would meet for these (very) long training weekends. Every Saturday night we would all have dinner together in the yoga studio. Usually we ordered from Zen Palate, but, on occasion, we would order Indian vegetarian as a special treat. We would get these huge crepes stuffed with potatoes and onions and then there were all these special dipping sauces and soups. Last night that's exactly what we had and it made me feel like chanting "Sat Nam" aloud right there at the table--especially when we found ourselves seated next to a group of young Sikh men in turbans. I wanted everyone to join in a special yoga prayer. Luckily for all involved, including me, I ate my dinner in bliss and kept quiet. There was one slight mishap during dinner, when I suddenly noticed the wax I had put on my braces wire was no longer there. It must have blended with the potatoes and made it's way into my stomach. A little horrifying, but I managed to keep my cool.

During dinner cab got a phone call from one of his best friends, marc—a Frenchman now living in London. He was in town for the week on business and had invited cab out for the evening (along with other friends). I was nervous thinking about the prospect of meeting a whole group of cab's friends. I mean, I'm shy...and I have braces. On the ride up to the upper west side I tried to pump myself up a little bit, telling myself to relax and convincing myself that, yes, I could do this.

So, there we were, at Cafe Frida. We walked up to a full table and I met them all, one at a time. There was, of course, marc. Next to him: monica (marc's ex-girlfriend), who I thought was french the whole time, but later learned was actually polish; then maria, who was from greece; jessie, from new zealand; and nikki, from new jersey. All I could think at that moment was, "at least I'm sitting next to the jersey girl!" They had all just sat down for dinner as we arrived. The waiter asked us if we wanted fresh guacamole. "Yes." Then he asked, "Spicy, medium, or mild?" To that, sexy french (but really polish) monica announced very fabulously with a big smile, "Spicy!"

And there it was--a shock to my entire system--a feeling that I had entered some sort of dream-like state. Could it be true? Was sexy french fabulous monica...an AWB? The restaurant was dark and I had had a glass of wine, but, yes, it was true, she had braces! It was hard for me to take my eyes off of her. She was so graceful. Her mouth did not seem awkward or tense. I wanted to say to her, "I have braces, too!" but I'm sure she already noticed. To see her eat the guacamole, I thought to myself, "here's someone who knows what I have to go through." No chips! Absolutely no chips allowed. So she delicately spooned the guacamole and ate it plain, and didn't once complain or fret that she wanted a chip like every other normal adult in the restaurant. For her entree she ordered salmon--soft and easy to eat! Yes! Yes! Yes! That's what I would have ordered, too. I noticed at one point she got something caught in her braces and very gracefully and delicately, she fished it out with her napkin. It was beautiful.

At the end of the night, after we said goodbye to everyone, cab said, "did you notice monica had braces, too?" "Yes, it was amazing," I replied. "I wanted to be her best friend, right then and there." Cab said that while I was in the bathroom, sexy french (but really polish) monica said to him, "i'm so grateful someone else has braces, too."

Horoscopes and Healing

A quote from my Free Will Astrology horoscope this week:

"...that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living amidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh."

As I was walking around Brooklyn today, spending time with a friend, stopping at the GreenMarket and admiring the abundance of fresh tomatoes and peaches, I had a moment (a brief moment, mind you, but definitely a moment) of clarity. It was so clear to me that I was on a journey. For a while now (and I won't say how long, because I'm not even that sure myself) I've felt a little lost. I've thought to myself, "I don't mind being on a journey, as long as I know where I'm heading--as long as there's a goal I'm moving towards." That's where the problem lies. This "lost" feeling has come from not seeing the goal in front of me. Today, in that brief moment, I realized that my goal has been there all along--I just haven't seen it. Before I can move forward, I just have to be. Be here, now, in the present moment, and see and feel everything that is right in front of me. That is my goal that I'm journeying towards. I've been so worried about wasting all this time not working towards some end result...being ancy and itchy in my own skin not wanting to be here...but be there (and really hoping that one day soon I would figure out where there was so that I could start doing something about it).

You may start to wonder what this has to do with me having braces. At some moments, I've felt like having a blog is a way for me to just be...with braces. Braces are totally about the end result. The end product. I could spend my time fretting over this result--only 7 more months to go...what will I look like?...will I then finally make it in a commercial?...or will I never audition again?...what will happen to my life in March 2007? Everything? Nothing?

I think back to the summer 2005--a "lost summer" I like to call it because I was really lost. I had just spent 9 months going through yoga teacher training. I was (finally) a certified yoga teacher and could now create the life I had envisioned for myself. Teaching yoga and being an actress. What a perfect day job, right? Only one problem--being a yoga teacher was kind of like being an actor. You still have to "audition" for spots and it is really competitive to get teaching gigs...and the pay is next to nothing.

As my perfect life seemed to crumble around me, I thought this was the time to step out of the box. I ended up going to a Sat Nam Rasayan healer, Guru Dev Singh. Sat Nam Rasayan is a healing modality linked with Kundalini yoga. I am no expert about how it works and it is not an immediate curing type of healing. It's the type of healing with "homework." Everyone's experience is different. I went into the room where Guru Dev sat. He is a big tall guy from Mexico who now calls Italy home. He told me to sit and said, "What's up?" I had this big speech planned for him...everything that was going on in my life and how I had no clue what to do...and how I felt like the world was falling apart. But all I could say was "I don't know...I don't know." He told me to lie down and breathe and for 30 minutes he put his hand on my wrist. When he was finished, he told me my prognosis and gave me a meditation to do. He told me to do this meditation everyday, 31 minutes a day, for 120 days straight. Then he said, in his Mexican/Italian accent, "You do this. It will change your life." So, on September 15th 2005, I began my meditation and did it everyday for 120 days.

A few weeks after I finished the meditation, I made an appointment for a consultation with an orthodontist. I can't say whether the two are related or it's just a coincidence. I know that crooked teeth has plagued me much of my adult life. I have never felt truly beautiful and I have never felt truly free to be myself. I started considering having braces as a year "hiatus" from my life, but in reality, ever since I got braces, I have been living fully and truly into my life. I have been experiencing new worlds and adventures. I have tried new things. Drawing. Tango. Boys(!). I have been reading voraciously when before it took me 6 months to get through one book. My apartment has never been cleaner. And I haven't had as many cute skirts in my closet until now.

It's hard to find a closing to this (rather personal) post, but as I look up on my wall, I see the following quote:

"Any moment can bring an awakening to what really matters".

And, if you're interested in knowing more about Sat Nam Rasayan healing, just ask and I'll be happy to offer up the details!

The Cons: An Amendment

#11: Getting the sides of my teeth filed down

This happened on Tuesday and is definitely a con. For those of you thinking of trying it, I would warn against it. But, it was either this or getting teeth pulled. I'm glad I still have all my teeth--even if some of them are now forever smaller than they were. Again, I bled. Don't worry, I won't go into details. For a few days afterwards I had to take pain killers it was that bad. I usually try to ride it out, but not this time.

Dr. Newman (and, yes, I must admit, in the middle of the process I glanced for a wedding ring...and saw a big gold band) filed my teeth and told me it would be about two months before the spaces completely disappeared. Honestly, I don't see any spaces--not unless I look really hard. He put another wire in and, man, was he clumsy. He actually pinched my lips with the pliers and I had to physically move them away before he even noticed. At the end of the session I told him the wire was sticking me in the back of my mouth and after putting his finger back there, he said, "I don't really notice anything." I told him it was very small, but it was definitely poking into my cheek. He had no solution and I was, for some reason, afraid to tell him what the assistants usually do in this case. So, now, I have a little over 3 weeks until my next appointment and my cheeks are a total mess. I've put enough wax back there to make my own candle. Everytime I eat the wax gets dislodged and comes out. Next time, Dr. Newman, next time...I won't be so nice!

My List: the cons

Inspired by Listy-loo, I thought I'd make a list of the things I like about having braces and the things I don't. Split up into a two part series, here are the things I don't like about having braces:

1. the sheer fact of having metal on my teeth

2. constantly digging food out of my braces with my tongue

3. the hefty pricetag

4. having a perpetually tense mouth

5. not knowing how to smile anymore

6. waiting at the orthodontist's office with a room full of kids under 14

7. having my lips stuck to my braces when I wake up in the morning

8. feeling guilty about not brushing/flossing my teeth enough

9. getting food stuck in my teeth/braces

10. not being able to eat everything I want to

Dr. Newman

Another orthodontist's appointment today--only to arrive to a new doctor...Dr. Newman. Not a replacement, but an addition to the cramped office that already has three assistants and one receptionist.

I was lying down waiting for poking, prodding and tightening, when Dr. Newman slid his chair up next to me and offered his hand. He's young and cute and I'm totally embarrassed having to "open wide" so that he can check out the damage. As we're talking about how my summer is going, I decide to ask him about the "shaving between the teeth" thing. I mean, really, it was supposed to have happened last month, but a word wasn't mentioned--and I just want to have straight teeth already! Dr. Newman explained to me that in the process of having braces my teeth may shift naturally and have ample space--and that maybe I don't need the shaving thing anymore. But he says, "Let me take a look." Pause. "Oh, yeah...Dr. M we're going to need to do IPR (or whatever he said). Come take a look."

Great. I had to open my big mouth. But, seriously--if I hadn't said anything, would it have been business as usual? Tightening the wires and off I go?

Before IPR can take place, I needed to get "spacers" put between my teeth. In the process of Dr. Newman putting in the small plastic spacers, I started to bleed since it was basically these little plastic things moving back and forth against my gums. Yeah, real attractive.

I have to go back next week to get the spacers out and the IPR done. The sad thing is that next week is my "vacation." I'm not going anywhere, but I'm just taking a much-needed break from work. And I have to go into the orthodontist's! It happens to be on the same day that I'm going to Bliss to get some waxing done. At least I get all the painful things out of the way in one shot!

More AWB Sightings

Yesterday I went wedding dress shopping with some friends...(and, no, not for me). While in a small dress boutique in the East Village, my friend said, "Brandy, there's an AWB in the back of the store." Sure enough, the mom of the girl trying on wedding dresses had braces. Maybe she wants to look good for the wedding pictures!

Later in the day I popped into the Walgreens in Union Square. As an AWB you always need your toothbrush and a supply of toothpaste on hand and I had run out of my travel toothpaste, so I was in to pick up more.

On a side note--as I went through the revolving doors, Bernadette Peters was coming out (it's always a shock when you see someone famous in such an ordinary place). I don't think she's an AWB, though she'd probably be able to pull off braces fabulously.

After a few seconds I was able to pull myself together and head to the toothpaste aisle. I ended up choosing the 2-in-1 toothpaste/mouthwash with oxygenating bubbles--hey, why not be adventurous, right? I walked up to the cashier and there she was...full on braces. I had the impulse to try to get into another line. It was a little weird being so close to an AWB, especially since I was buying toothpaste. For some reason I tried to keep my mouth as closed as possible, but I could tell for a split second she noticed. I'm not sure why I was so nervous or embarrassed...maybe it was simply because I wanted to buy my AWB supplies anonymously and I felt like I was being found out.

When the day was over, though, I was excited thinking about the prospect of my own wedding someday and how I'll be able to smile without being self-conscious. What is the saying? A picture is worth a thousand words?

There's Something Different About You

Yesterday I had dinner with cute architect boy ("cab"). We went to a Malaysian restaurant in Little Italy--his suggestion. Since half the menu items said "Please ask your server for advise (sic) before ordering this," I asked cab to order for me. After ordering a fairly tame meal, he said to me, "You have clear braces on the top and silver on the bottom."

Is he just noticing this? I thought to myself.

Is the lighting in here brighter than normal? I pondered, looking around the restaurant.

I said, Yes I do.

Then he asked me to smile because he wanted to see.

I told him I would only let him see when the lights were turned out and his eyes were closed. And since I agreed to a restaurant with chicken feet and pork intestines, he agreed that this was a fair deal. I managed to get some gelato out of him as well--we were in Little Italy after all...